JOKES.....hahhaaAHAHHaahha...

10 fruits....

3 explorers were looking in the forest when they were captured by Indians. They were taken to their chief, and the chief said go out into the forest and come back with 10 of the same kind of fruits. The first guy comes back with 10 bananas, and the chief said, shove them all up your but without making a sound.

So the 1st guy gets 2 bananas in when he starts screaming, so the Indians kill him. The 2nd guy comes back with 10 berries, and they shove 9 in and are about to shove the 10th in when he starts laughing, and so since he made a sound the Indians kill him too.

Now the 1st two explorers' souls fly out of their bodies and into heaven and they start talking. The 1st explorer says "Hey dude, why did you laugh? You could've gone back and told our family what had happened".

The 2nd explorer replies, "Sorry, I just couldn't stop when i saw Fred (3rd explorer) coming down the hill with 10 pineapples".


8 things i hate...

1. people who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is buddy, where the f*ck is yours? Do i point at my crotch when i ask where the bathroom is?

2. people who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. when people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it?Do people do that??

5. when people say while watching the film "did you see that??". No loser! I paid for 12bugs to come to the movies and stare at the f*cking floor.

6. people who ask "Can i ask you a question?".....da....didn't really give me a choice there.

7. when something is "new and improved"...Which is it?
if it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's improved, then there must have been something before it.

8. when you are waiting for the bus, and someone asks "Has the bus come yet??" elo dude....if the bus came, would i be standing here??

On the bus...

There was a man on the bus and he was sitting down when a fat lady said "if you were a gentleman you would stand up and let someone else sit down" and he said " if you weren't so fat, you would stand up and let 4 people sit down".

The 3 runaways...

There were 3 boys. One named zip, one named willy and one named pee. They ran away from school but they were chased by the headmaster so, zip hid on top of a wardrobe, willy hide inside it and pee stood next to it. It soon enough, the headmaster saw the cupboard and that moment it was break time so all the kids were coming out of the class. The headmaster was unaware of this and all the kids were shouted ZIP DOWN! WILLY OUT! PEE IN THE CORNER!

What did the pig say to the horse?

what did the pig say to the horse??
~~why the long face!?

3 proud parents...
3 men were gathering one day to talk about how successful their sons were doing.

The 1st man says "my son has been doing so successful as a lawyer. He got a mansion and shares it with his friend".

the 2nd man says "my son has been so successful as a doctor that he bought a convertible and a private get for his friend".

The 3rd man says "Well, my son hasn't 'been so successful'. In fact, i just learned he was gay and i've accepted the fact. I guess he must be doing good though because he live in a mansion with his friend and owns a private jet and a convertible".